My Secret Love

I sleep, I dream, I hear a tinkling of bells. My alarm on my cell phone has just gone off. It is set to go off every weekday so I never have to worry that I forgot to reset it.  As I open my eyes and stretch my phone bings. My daily weather update has just arrived. I'm still under the covers but I know exactly what the temperature is outside.  As I get the children ready for their buses my phone jingles. Cub scout updates and practice updates have just come in.  I text my girlfriend to see what time she will be arriving at the gym.  As the kids leave on the bus I grab my Ipod and head for the gym.  When I get home I log on to my library's website and request a hold on a book that a friend just recommended. My sister and I IM back and forth making plans for the evening.  I'm meeting her at a place I've never been before. My kids bus is running late and the show they love is starting but there are no worries. It is automatically DVRing so they can start it from the beginning when they get here.  I send out e-mails about my daughter's birthday and I google pictures of cakes to get some good ideas of how to make hers.  My sister in the Dakotas sends me a picture via text of the wedding dress she is thinking of buying. I can give her instant input from across the country.  Time to leave to meet my sister; I put the address into my GPS and head out.  While driving I listened to my favorite radio shows on my Sirius Radio without a care in the world because a lovely english woman is going to tell me when I need to start looking for my exit. I love technology. We are inseperateable. I know people survived forever without it. I don't ever want to have to do it though.  I love my back up camera on my van and the website I use for recipies. I love automated reminders and information at my fingure tips. I love it all.
Just for fun, here's a list of things my kids have no idea about:

        Cassette tapes, walkmans,

        VHS tapes, VCRs

        only 6 chanels

        type writers
        phones with cords
        Car phones
        Cars without DS charger adapters in the back, sirius radio, Ipod download capabilities and DVD player

        CD's or a CD player
        A phone book
        A map book
        Picture film

       

       

      

With a Dash of Karma

           I'm a Christian but there is something to be said for karmic retribution.  When I was in Basic Training I was put in charge of my Flight. Two other girls did not take kindly to this and devised a plan to get me booted back a week. It worked. Not only was I sent back but I was taunted by all the instructors, I lost all privileges, my mail was tossed instead of given to me. I was also required to do twice as much P.T. as the rest of my new flight. I was even alienated by my new group. It was discovered too late that they had set it up and I could not be moved back up though my treatment did change slightly for the better. It worked out. I ended up setting records for the female run and push-ups. I gained the respect of my new T.I.s for handling everything with dignity and was honored by being picked to sing the National Anthem at our graduation.  I bet you are wondering what this has to do with karma. 

 A week prior to my graduation, when my old flight was graduating I saw the two girls. They both had all their long hair chopped within two inches of their scalp and had plastic shower caps on their heads. They had gotten head lice during their field week.  Aaaah, sweet retribution.

          I always try to remember this when things go wrong for me. I know their is justice in the universe. And good karma, just like bad, will come back to you.

         My neighbor and I recently got into a bit of a disagreement.  It was a silly matter of me trying to change something in consideration of people driving in front of our houses.  She got nasty and I dropped it. To make a long story short we haven't spoken since.  Yesterday the bus came early and she was not home to pick up her daughter. I held the bus for her.  She now feels so awful for how she treated me that she is being super sweet and even offering to do things for me.  Sweet justice. I'm wondering how much I can take advantage of this before I swing the karmic pendulum the other way.........................? 

Football is Consuming my LIFE

My oldest son (as I'm sure you are all sick of hearing) playes football. Practice is twice a week with games on Saturday. My daughter cheers for football on Saturdays and practices at the football field the same nights. My husband coaches, which means we get together with the team (like the pot-luck at our house last weekend). My husband also playes in two leagues, one on Wednesday night and one on Sunday. We always watch the NFL games - at least one sometimes three. This weekend we are having people over for the game.  All my husband is capable of talking about right now is football. No matter how the conversation starts, it ends with football.

                 me: " I talked to my sister today. She has morning sickness really bad."

             hubby: "I was feeling sick before my game. The first quarter we............."

                 me: "Boys have homework tonight"

            hubby: " I need to do some research so I can update my fantasy football team"

Our family meals are all centered around football. Practice? it's hamburger helper, fast food or something quick like spaghetti. NFL game? I'm making nachos, pizza or chili. No more big weekend breakfasts with all the trimmings. Now it's protein bars, pop tarts or doughnuts on the way to the game.

I'm doing double the laundry because of all the practice and game clothes. And washing the floor twice as much from all the cleats walking through the house.

Last night after Hubby's game (which they won) kids went to bed. Hubby went to bed.  I sat down at the computer. When Yahoo! popped up there were those little articles about football bloopers, miracle plays and the dead player. I was reading it all for about ten minutes before I realized what I was reading. 

 Football is consuming my life!

A Eulogy and an Ode

A Eulogy

He made us laugh

He always made us feel loved

He brought us joy and fulfillment

He was ready for us when we needed him

He knew how to keep things interesting

We only knew him for a short time and his terminal illness was hard on all of us as we watched him fade. He will be missed. He is already missed. I ask that those who knew him join me for a memorial service on Saturday at 9pm. Anyone who would like to share a memory may. There will be no viewing as the family feels this would be inappropriate.

In loving memory of:

Our Love Life

2001-2010

I wrote this at the end of summer. My husband is in college as well as working full time. Finals were getting to him and our love life was suffering. He didn't think it was funny. Maybe you will. 

And an

Ode to My Metabolism

We use to be friends, you and I

To loose weight, I didn't even try

I thought it and POP!

Five pounds would drop

I use to be able to count on you

This morning I looked at my coffee

And I swear my stomach grew

I thought we were Best Friends Forever

Counting calories? Never!

You'd always let me order extra fries

Now the things go right to my thighs

So now I know that no bite is free

How long had you been planning

to ditch out on me?

I know I took advantage of you

I took you for granted, it's true

But you really left me in a rut

Have you seen the size of my new butt?!

Our old friends are no longer welcome here

I can't even tell you when

I last saw cookie, chip or beer

I thought we were a team

What you did was just plain mean

You left me like a bad divorce

But I guess that's par for course

Tight arms, slim hips, adieu

Farewell Metabolism

I guess it's no longer me and you

Crazy Chreerleader Moms

           My daughter is a cheerleader this year (bowing head in shame).   She had a cheer competition Sunday morning. We were up at 6:30 curling hair, putting on make-up, taking a magic marker to her cheer shoes, packing snacks and drinks that wouldn't stain her hands, mouth, or uniform, and all my required spirit wear (beads, tattoos, shirt, etc). We drove an hour and five minutes to the competition and paid five dollars for parking. On Thursday there was a rumor it would be cancelled due to the weather but it wasn't. At least, not until we had been there for an hour and a half, standing in the drizzle waiting for it to start (shaking fist at stupid directors).

           This news meant every parent was trying to get out of there at the same time. The ensuing chaos was, well, chaotic.  Cheer Moms, in there high priced SUV's,  were jumping the grassy dividers between parking areas trying to get into a faster moving line of traffic. They were refusing to let mothers from opposing teams pull out of their parking spots into the line of outgoing traffic. At one point two cars were fighting for the same spot in line, both inching forward, almost daring the other driver to hit their car. When, into this dangerous situation a large silver Chevy pick-up truck jumped the divider landing between the two cars and tried to intimidate them into relinquishing the little hold they had on that spot. Not to be outdone, a new white Nissan SUV jumped the barrier as well landing on the outside of the pile. I watched in horror as all four cars tried to claim the spot which, technically didn't even exist yet as traffic had been at a standstill for the past seven minutes and a stroller could not have fit there. Another cheer mom with a blue and silver pom-pom tied into her hair and bright blue eye shadow up to her over-plucked eyebrows bounced across the barrier from the other direction trying to force her way in front of us. I'll let someone pull out of their parking spot into the line but I wasn't about to let her in. She joined the chorus of yelling moms (Everyone's windows are up - including yours. Who do you think can hear you??). My mini van and I stood our ground. Four minutes later when we finally inched forward far enough she gunned it. At reckless speeds she cut in behind me, bypassing our line, she jumped another grass divider and barrelled her way into that line of traffic.

                I was once stuck in a parking garage for four and a half hours after a Yankees game. People were peeing, in corners, shouting over the walls, honking. It was bad. But we all managed to take turns in a fair and orderly manner. I'm telling you, cheer moms are crazy.  All in all it took us fifty three minutes to leave the parking lot.  We have to return next weekend and do this all over again. I'm thinking of upping my insurance coverage before then.  

A Short History, a Poem and the Truth

I'm well aware that I come across a little too happy with myself and my life.  I know I can seem conceited,stuck up, blind to reality, whatever label you want to put on it. I know I sometimes seem to have a great, trouble free life that is too gag-me-sweet for anyone to want to hear about. And I know I sometimes come across like I think I have answers. Well, let me tell you how I got to be here.

A Short History

I was born into a cult. My much older father had married my much younger mother. They both had issues. I was the first child of many between two husbands.  We were home schooled and had very little interaction with others outside the church. We were also dirt poor (literally), beaten, mentally abused and brainwashed. We moved all over the country based on where the "church" said we should go.  When I was 14 my parents enrolled me in a public city high school. Those were some of the worst years of my life. I didn't dress right, talk right or act right. I had no clue about movies and music.  It didn't help that I was also more advanced than my peers in the classroom. I wanted to kill myself. I tried once. Others picked on me. I was raped twice.  As soon as I graduated I joined the military. I got as far away from the U.S. as I could. And I married the first guy who treated me well once I got there. Marrying a stranger at 18 is a stupid move. We didn't know each other and our differences made our relationship unbearable. As soon as he realized how easily I broke he broke me - repeatedly. Though he never laid a hand on me his words and actions cut me deep. Once again I contemplated suicide. I begged for a divorce. But really I had no where to go.  Then he went on a long deployment. It was the best thing for us. I grew strong. I strengthened my relationship with God. I became unbreakable. He returned and tried to pick up where he had left off but I wasn't that person anymore. I told him I was leaving and I did. Something inside him snapped at that moment. The man I had been married to died and a new man was born.  I stayed though I did not love him. I love him now, so much more than I had loved that stranger ten years ago. And now, now I have a wonderful house, kids, body, husband, life, town and church.

A Poem
Written when I was 15, I believed there was no happiness to be had, everything was a twisted game and life was the real hell.

There is no
Utopian Nation
Life of
Temptation
Play with
Flirtation
Use
Manipulation
Such a
Twisted Sensation
When the
Devil's Creation
Drops us at
Hell's Train Station
Ride 'til
Damnation
Past all
Salvation

and the TRUTH
I've been through a lot. I know a lot. I made it through, not just surviving, but thriving. I cannot regret my past because it brought me to my present. I am who I am because of all I have been through. I may seen weird to some but they do not know my story. I'm ok with who I am. I love my life because I want for nothing.  I am a happy, God fearing woman who believes things happen for a reason and anything can be overcome. I am very compassionate and love to help but no one is allowed to step on me.  I am not conceited, just incredibly grateful for what I do have.  And, now you know why; I know what the other side looks like.

Stand my Ground or Walk??

Two houses down there is a child who goes to pre-school with my daughter. The bus stops at both houses. Since we live on a busy street this sometimes stops up to twenty cars. At first the other child only road the bus home. In the morning the bus stopped at our house and in the afternoon to help keep traffic moving I walked two doors down so both children got off the bus in one stop. This week the child started riding the bus to school as well. On Monday, I suggested to the mother that she walk down to my house is the morning and I'd walk to hers in the PM so we don't hold up traffic (hasn't happened yet).  Yesterday afternoon at the bus stop I asked her what she thought and she said she'd let me know. Today she starting ranting at me via text that she will NOT walk to my house and in fact she believes I should walk to hers both times as her house is the first stop, especially since I'm the one all concerned about traffic. She also tells me that she feels more comfortablee with her daughter being picked up in front of her house. THERE IS ONLY ONE HOUSE BETWEEN US! Not to mention, we are required by law to be out there with them so I am not suggesting her child walk herself to my house. I honestly don't mind walking but then I have to wait with her twice a day and that bugs me. Also, it is scheduled for the bus to stop twice; I was just trying to be helpful. This morning I waited at my house. I can't stand people walking all over me.  Should I walk or stand my ground?