Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Entering the Divorce Stage of Life

                It seems that I have reached that age where friends are no longer getting married but rather getting divorced.  It makes me quite sad and also causes me to feel a little guilty for being so happily married myself. I am also finding that most phone calls with friends are only about their respective divorces and never about any of my news.  The amount of times I have been told recently that this is "just between you and me and don't tell ANYBODY" is astounding.  What I want to do is tell all these people to try to make it work, stick out this rough patch, don't give up! But I know that a) no one will listen and b) that might not even be the right answer. 
              With all these friends going through this right now I find that my own life is altering. Couples night is out. Suddenly, Hubby  gets nervous at the mention of girls night because my friends are now trying to meet guys. Calling a girlfriend to vent is no longer an option as I will end up not getting to speak a word while they sob on the other end.  I feel terrible for them, these housewives forced back out into the world they have forgotten about by men they trusted to take care of them.  It terrifies me a little bit too. Not all these women saw it coming. Some, in fact, were caught completely off guard. Like my girlfriend who asked her husband on Father's Day what he wanted as a gift and he said a divorce. I wonder if there is a divorce lurking in my future that I cannot yet see. I wonder if my time is coming when Hubby will drop this bomb on me.  I don't think my life is heading that direction even remotely, but then, I wouldn't have been the only one so fully fooled. 
              I know the statistics, I see the numbers. More than half of all marriages end in divorce. I guess it is just different when it is happening around you to people you know and not just a number in the news. Hubby and I have been close to divorce before but somehow we've always managed to drag our mangled bodies out of the war zone and patch things up. Honestly, I think we are better people for it; we are definitely closer for it.  I want to tell everyone that they too can make it work, but I'm not that naive.  Instead, I am a silent confidant for those who need one; there are no words I can speak that will help them through this. It is their own journey. Instead of offering worthless advice to greived friends I plant a longer kiss on Hubby as he walks in the door. I snuggle closer at night. I bite my tounge on little critiques. There is no reset on life. I only get one shot to make this marriage work.  I wish the best to all these people - to anyone having to go through this heartache.

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