Crazy Chreerleader Moms

           My daughter is a cheerleader this year (bowing head in shame).   She had a cheer competition Sunday morning. We were up at 6:30 curling hair, putting on make-up, taking a magic marker to her cheer shoes, packing snacks and drinks that wouldn't stain her hands, mouth, or uniform, and all my required spirit wear (beads, tattoos, shirt, etc). We drove an hour and five minutes to the competition and paid five dollars for parking. On Thursday there was a rumor it would be cancelled due to the weather but it wasn't. At least, not until we had been there for an hour and a half, standing in the drizzle waiting for it to start (shaking fist at stupid directors).

           This news meant every parent was trying to get out of there at the same time. The ensuing chaos was, well, chaotic.  Cheer Moms, in there high priced SUV's,  were jumping the grassy dividers between parking areas trying to get into a faster moving line of traffic. They were refusing to let mothers from opposing teams pull out of their parking spots into the line of outgoing traffic. At one point two cars were fighting for the same spot in line, both inching forward, almost daring the other driver to hit their car. When, into this dangerous situation a large silver Chevy pick-up truck jumped the divider landing between the two cars and tried to intimidate them into relinquishing the little hold they had on that spot. Not to be outdone, a new white Nissan SUV jumped the barrier as well landing on the outside of the pile. I watched in horror as all four cars tried to claim the spot which, technically didn't even exist yet as traffic had been at a standstill for the past seven minutes and a stroller could not have fit there. Another cheer mom with a blue and silver pom-pom tied into her hair and bright blue eye shadow up to her over-plucked eyebrows bounced across the barrier from the other direction trying to force her way in front of us. I'll let someone pull out of their parking spot into the line but I wasn't about to let her in. She joined the chorus of yelling moms (Everyone's windows are up - including yours. Who do you think can hear you??). My mini van and I stood our ground. Four minutes later when we finally inched forward far enough she gunned it. At reckless speeds she cut in behind me, bypassing our line, she jumped another grass divider and barrelled her way into that line of traffic.

                I was once stuck in a parking garage for four and a half hours after a Yankees game. People were peeing, in corners, shouting over the walls, honking. It was bad. But we all managed to take turns in a fair and orderly manner. I'm telling you, cheer moms are crazy.  All in all it took us fifty three minutes to leave the parking lot.  We have to return next weekend and do this all over again. I'm thinking of upping my insurance coverage before then.