A Short History, a Poem and the Truth

I'm well aware that I come across a little too happy with myself and my life.  I know I can seem conceited,stuck up, blind to reality, whatever label you want to put on it. I know I sometimes seem to have a great, trouble free life that is too gag-me-sweet for anyone to want to hear about. And I know I sometimes come across like I think I have answers. Well, let me tell you how I got to be here.

A Short History

I was born into a cult. My much older father had married my much younger mother. They both had issues. I was the first child of many between two husbands.  We were home schooled and had very little interaction with others outside the church. We were also dirt poor (literally), beaten, mentally abused and brainwashed. We moved all over the country based on where the "church" said we should go.  When I was 14 my parents enrolled me in a public city high school. Those were some of the worst years of my life. I didn't dress right, talk right or act right. I had no clue about movies and music.  It didn't help that I was also more advanced than my peers in the classroom. I wanted to kill myself. I tried once. Others picked on me. I was raped twice.  As soon as I graduated I joined the military. I got as far away from the U.S. as I could. And I married the first guy who treated me well once I got there. Marrying a stranger at 18 is a stupid move. We didn't know each other and our differences made our relationship unbearable. As soon as he realized how easily I broke he broke me - repeatedly. Though he never laid a hand on me his words and actions cut me deep. Once again I contemplated suicide. I begged for a divorce. But really I had no where to go.  Then he went on a long deployment. It was the best thing for us. I grew strong. I strengthened my relationship with God. I became unbreakable. He returned and tried to pick up where he had left off but I wasn't that person anymore. I told him I was leaving and I did. Something inside him snapped at that moment. The man I had been married to died and a new man was born.  I stayed though I did not love him. I love him now, so much more than I had loved that stranger ten years ago. And now, now I have a wonderful house, kids, body, husband, life, town and church.

A Poem
Written when I was 15, I believed there was no happiness to be had, everything was a twisted game and life was the real hell.

There is no
Utopian Nation
Life of
Temptation
Play with
Flirtation
Use
Manipulation
Such a
Twisted Sensation
When the
Devil's Creation
Drops us at
Hell's Train Station
Ride 'til
Damnation
Past all
Salvation

and the TRUTH
I've been through a lot. I know a lot. I made it through, not just surviving, but thriving. I cannot regret my past because it brought me to my present. I am who I am because of all I have been through. I may seen weird to some but they do not know my story. I'm ok with who I am. I love my life because I want for nothing.  I am a happy, God fearing woman who believes things happen for a reason and anything can be overcome. I am very compassionate and love to help but no one is allowed to step on me.  I am not conceited, just incredibly grateful for what I do have.  And, now you know why; I know what the other side looks like.