My Success is not Yours

The Surprise Party
Throwing a surprise birthday party is hard! I couldn't think of a good hiding place for everything I had purchased so I decided to leave it all in my car. Hubby checked the bank account and wanted to know why I had spent so much - I lied - shamefully well. He went into my car to get the soccer ball. Thankfully I had moved everything into our second stairwell. He wanted me to meet him for lunch with friends, which I couldn't do with food cooking and prep work to be done but I couldn't tell HIM that so instead we fought. He was suppose to be gone when guests arrived but because of the long lunch he didn't go to the other thing he had planned, which meant he was home. He looked at my cell and saw text messages between his brothers and I. Thankfully, he finally took a nap so guests were showing up and keeping quiet in the yard and sun room. Our darling son ran into the house calling for his brother to come outside because their friends were here. This woke up Hubby who was just too curious about what friend was here to go back to sleep and came outside. His family showed up 30 minutes late (they were suppose to arrive first to help me)so Hubby was already out there when they pulled up. But, He was still kinda surprised. The large grocery bill and the missed lunch date didn't clue him in.  Though he figured I was planning something from the texts, he didn't think it was for that day. Even the friend being at our house didn't give it away until he walked outside. So, a success, of sorts. He had a great time.

What is SUCCESS?
But this all leads to another thought, He just turned 30. He's been married for 10 years, he has his boys and his girl, he has a dog, a house, a successful job. By many standards his life is on a good track and he should not feel "bad" about getting older - not that 30 is old.  We heard a lot of this over the weekend. "he's got his S*!t together". One friend who came is two years older than Hubby. He also agreed that Hubby had his "stuff" together. He, however, is unwed, with no prospects, no children, a new(ish) career, only a small townhouse which used to be his grandmothers. He stayed long after all other guest had left and what he really wanted to talk about was this.  What were our thoughts? Was he less of a "success"? Should he want these things? And, what if he didn't? Honestly, I'm not sure. I mean, I'm a stay-at-home mother. My entire identity is wrapped up in the belief that the life I have makes me successful. Seriously, I'd be very depressed if my idea of success was a well paying career.  Hubby too considers himself a successful person; he has the life he wants. But isn't that success? Not so much what the life is but that it is the one you want? Our friend is indecisive.  Are people still so programmed to think that a house and family is the ultimate success that they can't even fully acknowledge that it might not be what they want? And if it isn't what they want, isn't it better for them to be a success at something that makes them happy than a depressed individual who is a crappy spouse and bad parent? Everyone is just so different, I don't see how there can be a one size fits all idea of success.